By Jen Yip
Karen Wickre compares networking to farming. In the age of collecting new ‘connections’ on LinkedIn and counting ‘likes’ on Facebook, Karen, Silicon Valley communications maven and author of the book “Taking the Work out of Networking,” encourages us to take a patient, long-term approach to cultivating authentic connections.
Last week, at Bloomberg Beta’s Book Breakfast, Karen, in conversation with Camille Ricketts, Notion’s Head of Marketing, shared some of her top advice for making meaningful connections.
Camille and Karen at Bloomberg Beta
What was unique about this particular discussion was that both Camille and Karen are self-professed introverts. The tenor of the conversation between the two was down-to-earth and warm. It was tactical enough to be genuinely helpful without any sense of bravado even though both women have formidable reputations that precede them. Camille, as the creator of First Round Review, has interviewed hundreds of noteworthy Silicon Valley startup founders, creating a virtual encyclopedia of knowledge, insights, and advice for founders. Karen has been in Silicon Valley for over three decades, and was formerly Twitter’s editorial director, following a decade at Google. Watching the two of them engage in comfortable banter, you could almost see Karen’s advice in the works.
Below are some of her key takeaways on who to network with, how to maintain relationships in a light-touch way, how to frame communications, how to approach networking events, and finally, how to fit networking into your busy schedule.
1. Build your network with people you actually like and find interesting
On the face of it, this point seems obvious, but I really appreciate that Karen spelled it out in no uncertain terms. To the question of “who should I be networking with?” Karen recommends that you build your network with people you actually like and find interesting versus networking with people you think are the most important or people you think you should know. Cultivate relationships with people you’re genuinely interested in.
She also dispelled the common myth that it’s most important for you to network with folks around your next job opportunity. Instead, she underscored the importance of building relationships in your current job. Making connections across the org, regardless of your role, helps you understand the entire business and develop relationships that are an asset to you as an employee. It can also help you explore your own preferences for a future role.
2. How to network: Start giving
Approach relationship building and maintenance with a spirit of giving. For Karen, who calls herself a news junkie, the easiest and most natural way for her to give is to send friends bits of news and information she thinks they’ll find useful or interesting. Since she browses Twitter every day, she’ll often surface news that’s relevant to someone in her network. Emailing a link to a tweet or article is a lightweight way for you to show your friends and professional contacts that they’re top of mind for you.
Other ways you can practice lightweight giving include sending personal emails to celebrate birthdays or job changes. Use Facebook and LinkedIn to alert you of these occasions, but avoid the canned messages suggested by these platforms. Instead, opt to craft and send personal notes via email.
One key point here – and some good news for introverts – is that the giving style Karen recommends is a 1:1 activity. It’s not about broadcasting generic messages. It’s about actually knowing what someone cares about and when they’ve made a life transition, then reaching out with a personal note that says, “Hey, this made me think of you.”
3. Pro tips for networking communications:
Double opt-in is the law: Set context for the conversation. I really appreciated that Karen emphasized this. We’ve all been victims to less-than-thoughtful intros. Don’t be that person.
Keep your ‘ask’ casual: When you make an ‘ask,’ Karen recommends keeping the language casual and giving the person you’re asking an ‘out.’ For example, “Someone I know has a question; would you be the right person to ask? Or if you think someone else could help me instead, please introduce me.” Karen’s point is to take the pressure off of one person. I also like to add to my emails, “No worries if this isn’t a fit” or something to that effect to give the person an easy out.
Remind yourself that it’s just coffee: An astute observation from Karen and one that I’ve noticed in Renaissance Collective as well: women are more hesitant than men to take a conversation without doing a lot of research and over-preparing. They’re more likely to say, “I’d love the intro but not right now because I’m not ready.” If you find yourself worrying about whether you’re prepared to have the conversation, take some of the pressure off by reminding yourself, “It’s just coffee.” Not all interactions have to start with a carefully designed agenda and lots of preparation.
Follow-up quickly: Timing counts. Don’t wait too long between the gathering or event and your follow-up, even if you just send over a quick note that says “It was great to see you. I enjoyed chatting about X and I look forward to more. If it’s ok, I’d like to follow up with you later.” Especially during the incredibly busy holiday season, “later” can be sometime in the new year, whenever things are less busy for the both of you.
4. Parties are an opportunity to show you’re a team player
As much as we introverts dread networking events or, as apropos to this season, holiday parties, consider it a work obligation. The point of these parties, according to Karen, is to be seen by a few key people, have some brief exchanges, and participate in a team activity. No one wants to have in-depth conversations in front of the bar. Show up, circulate with a drink in hand, say hello to key people, and when you’re tapped out, gracefully make an excuse to exit. She has more tips for surviving holiday parties here.
5. Manage your networking time
As someone who organizes communities, I often find myself inundated by requests for meetings, introductions, or connections. Karen’s advice on this is to prioritize requests and make sure you respond to time-sensitive requests first. When you’re the one making requests, Karen also recommends letting recipients know whether it’s time-sensitive. This was a great reminder to constantly reassess priorities.
As Roy Bahat noted, we have all found ourselves in situations with folks who take more than they give or, in my experience, folks who send frequent, persistent requests for help. Karen’s advice on this delicate subject is to respond with the “polite decline,” in which you let the person know “This is the limit of what I can do or what I know” and end your note with “Good luck out there!”
To turn down a meeting request, you could simply say “My next couple months are packed, so my best advice is…” For extremely persistent asks, slow down your rate of response. :)
Another tip I found helpful was to refer people to your public writing and offer to answer any follow-up questions over email. Sharing your knowledge in writing helps you protect your time.
===
At the end of breakfast with Camille and Karen, I was convinced that networking doesn’t have to be an anxiety-inducing activity. As Karen observes, while hunting is short-term and transactional, farming is a long-term, nurturing activity. And, in heartening news for all of us introverts out there, much of it can be done online. Building your network is about maintaining relationships over the long term -- listening, observing, and giving -- just as you would water, weed, and prune a garden. I left that breakfast with Karen’s book tucked under my arm and an ever-so-slight spring in my step, excited to channel some of her advice and passion for networking into my own life. As we build the Renaissance Collective community, it’s my greatest hope that the connections we make here will be the seedlings for productive professional relationships and friendships that members will cherish and invest in for years to come.
===
A huge thank you to Karen Wickre for so generously sharing her time and expertise with us, and to the ever-gracious Camille Ricketts for keeping the conversation tactically focused and surfacing these gems of wisdom that inspire us all to invest our time in cultivating meaningful professional relationships.
As always, thank you to Roy Bahat, James Cham, Minn Kim, and their team at Bloomberg Beta for hosting yet another amazing conversation and being such ardent promoters of knowledge sharing in the startup community.
Thanks to David King, Jonathan Lai, and Henry Su for reading early drafts and providing feedback to improve this piece.